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In
honor of Esther and the Feast of Purim, Alay'nya shares an excerpt
from Chapter 8: The Essence of Stillness, taken from her forthcoming
book, Unveiling.
Imagine this: You have been selected, from among all the women in your city, to be brought into the ruler's harem.
You enter this harem along with hundreds, possibly thousands, of other young women; all as lovely and fresh and nubile
as you. And from this select group, you are chosen. You are "the one." The king prefers you to all the others.
You are given the place of honor in the harem, and a title. Servants are at your beck and call.
The king gifts you with jewels and precious baubles. Your wardrobe dazzles your mind and delights your eye.
Your living quarters are swathed with silk, and adorned with precious tapestries and delicate inlaid mosaics.
Other women curry your favor.
Even more than this, you have had the heady, intoxicating thrill of making love with the most powerful man
in the world, and knowing that he is besotted with you. Without question, you have become "the chosen one."
Now dwell on this scenario just a little bit more, and add in the "reality factors."
You were pulled from family, friends, and home when you were selected for the harem.
What friends you made since your entry are distanced from you now; your high position precludes intimacy.
Many of the girls to whom you opened your heart earlier have succumbed to harem intrigues.
You've learned to keep your heart and your voice to yourself.
You don't taste a morsel of food, or drink a sip of juice, unless it has been tested and approved by your poison taster.
This is not a joke; you've seen too many women perish in this manner. (Your children are not immune to assassination attempts, either.
What more expedient way for an ambitious woman to remove a rival to her own son's prospects?)
The harem is a pressure cooker of political intrigue; the women are often both brilliant and shrewd.
Every word you say - every conversation, each glance - is endlessly dissected.
Although you exchange messages every day, you have not seen a male member of your family in years.
It is simply not allowed. There are many freedoms and simple pleasures that are now forever denied to you.
You will never again walk to the market to buy fresh figs when they are in season.
You are a prisoner in a gilded cage. There is no way out, and there never will be.
The only males that you see are either children or are castrated, or - every so often - the royal lord himself.
But even though you still occupy the "place of honor," you are not called to the king's bed as often as you once were.
Other favorites have been chosen, discarded, and new ones have been found, in an endless cycle since you became the "chosen one."
And even though your position is formally secure, you see the measuring, aspiring looks of the newcomers.
You see the former favorites, and the hope-to-be's, the clique leaders and the gossip mongers,
all watching you out of the corners of their eyes; always measuring, always waiting.
So you hold your head high, and smile graciously at every one, and say a kind word when appropriate. B
y now you've learned, the hard way, that any outrage, any lapse - even a momentary failure to act kindly -
can cause a ripple with major repercussions. The smallest look or gesture impacts lives.
And once a month, every month, you all go through it together. Everyone has cravings at the same time.
Everyone is on the verge of a screaming, crying tantrum. Fights break out, women are disciplined,
small things are magnified out of proportion, and you would give anything, absolutely anything, to run free.
But there is no escape. So you hold your head high and smile graciously.
One of the worst things, in this situation, is the enforced passivity. Whether queen or slave,
the title makes no difference, if we do not have control over our own lives. Yet it was in just this
kind of situation that Queen Esther, of biblical fame, was able to save the Jewish people.
How did she manage to go from village life to queen? The Bible is remarkably obscure on this point,
except to say that "she found favor." (Well, wouldn't we all like to know how?)
Yet we do know that at the time that she saved her people, she took an enormous risk.
She entered into King Ahasuerus's presence without being specifically invited to see him.
This was an offense punishable by instant death, unless he chose to grant clemency.
Fortunately for her, and for her people, he did.
But she had no way of knowing that as she walked into the throne room.
Read Esther's Story - Part 2
Available through Amazon.com
April, 2011.